I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
