i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
