and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
