I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
