i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
