So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
