She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
