I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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