OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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