oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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