I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
