remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
