I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How's work?
Spinning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
