Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
