p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
