I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
