i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize