dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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