Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
