I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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