So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
