I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
