Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
