I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
