He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dont even know how to be here
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
