conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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