dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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