I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
