great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
