she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize