his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk is a universal language darling
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