oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
