he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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