before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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