you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
