Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
