this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
