On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
