I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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