jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
