So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
