Non-Jews are for practice
i think my mom watched the whole time
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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