I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
