I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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