Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize