Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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