That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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