so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
