dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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