If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
