it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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