i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
