Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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