my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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