how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
