So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
