words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
