ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
