what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
