id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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