It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
