This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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