Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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