So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he thought i was a dude.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
