it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize