you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
