can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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