i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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