Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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