she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
