I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this will be a night to untag.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
